(no subject)

I've been home from my beach vacation for a couple of days now. I miss the beach. Its my happy place. I know, dear Internet, that you are saying, "Well, Jessica, your happy place is anywhere you make it." I am quite aware that I can make any physical place my happy place if I chose to do so. The ocean is my most happy place, though. So let's not split hairs and whatnot.

In the two and a half days that I've been home, I've experienced:

Broken AC - Called the AC repairman cousin after spending two days in my 80 degree house. Unit froze up and also needed more freon. This is the third time he's put some in this year, so we have a leak somewhere. Not going to worry about that right now.

Ant infestation - Spraying as needed. A mild annoyance.

A wedding - I was able to see the bride walk down the aisle and had to leave before the happy couple said their "I do's." Babies were tired and acting like little drunk, hangry assholes.

A weekend visit from my mother-in-law - She stayed with me in order to attend the wedding. My MIL is awesome and easy to get along with, but the 80 degree house made it hard to concentrate on anything she was really saying.

A son who refuses to keep his diaper on, and the inevitable consequences of the aforementioned diaperless baby -Yeah, this is pretty self explanatory. Hot house, naked baby. Baby hates diapers. Mom cleans up feces.

In completely unrelated news, I am getting a little worried about my financial aid for this upcoming semester. They suspended it because I dropped a class last semester due to my aunt's unexpected death. I took a week off, got too far behind in the class and dropped to save my GPA. Apparently, that put me below the number of hours I needed to take and pass to keep my financial aid. I had to appeal the decision in writing and did that about a month ago. So, I wrote a letter explaining that I am a School of Honors member, my GPA is 3.875, and that I, despite dropping the class, still made the Dean's List in the two semesters that I've been attending and have managed to do all of this as a 35-year-old student with four kids. I also made sure to further explain that this was an unforeseeable event and that my failure to complete the course is not in anyway indicative of my academic endeavors. I've yet to hear anything back and classes start on August 31st.

It will probably all work out. I have no reason to even entertain the fact that it won't work out. However, I tend to expect the worst so I won't be too disappointed when it happens. If anything less than the worst occurs, then its a happy surprise. I know this isn't at all logical and is completely unhealthy from a psychological standpoint. Yet, here we are.

Speaking of completely illogical thinking from a psychological standpoint, I should probably take my anti-cray cray meds and, you know, keep taking them. I like to take them until I feel better and then I'm all "Screw this shit. I'm totally cool without you, medication. Laterz, loser pills." Then I throw those bad boys in a drawer for a few months until I feel like crap again. I crawl back and grovel. We get hot and heavy again for a while and then I kick that ass to the curb like yesterday's trash. We have a very volatile relationship. Its a vicious cycle, really. People say we're good together though, so maybe I should commit already.

I think I want to learn how to play the piano. I have the Internet and a proper keyboard. Shouldn't be too hard to pick up, right?

I also have something stuck in my foot. Its glass or a splinter or something from the beach. I don't know where my tweezers are though, so I'm going to just ignore it until I need an amputation. Hopefully, it will just be my foot. I can probably get by with one foot. They make some pretty awesome prosthetics nowadays, too. I can tell people I stepped on a landmine or something interesting like that. Maybe I will tell everyone a completely different story so that the real reason I am missing a foot is a complete mystery....unless you read this blog. If you read the blog, you would just know that I stepped on beach glass and then you would probably tell everyone else how I lost my foot and the air of mystery would be lost. I should probably just look for the tweezers then.

Until next time, dear Web User. Until next time...

(no subject)

Hello Internet,

It's been awhile, eh? I am sure you are used to it by now. I'm here. I'm gone. Whatever. Do people still use this thing? I mean, besides ehowton? I don't know. Probably not, I'm guessing.

So, what's new? What's new? I'm still married. So there's that. Not like he could get rid of me. Sorry, mofo, you are stuck with me. I've had two more kids...at the same time. I almost died again. I got my tubes tied. We moved to Diboll, Texas, which sucks. I'm a sophomore in college. I make things out of paper and vinyl. I'm pretty awesome at it.

Um, yeah...that's about it, I guess. Its awesome that I can sum up like six years of living in a few sentences. Perhaps I should get out more? Perhaps, perhaps... Not really though. That seems like a lot of aggravation that I don't necessarily need or want.

My birthday is in a few days. I will be 36. When did that happen? Screw all that. I'm just going to tell people I'm 49 and then everyone will be all "Wow, you look great for being almost 50!" And I'll smile and thank them. Maybe do a curtsy of some sort. I don't know. I'm not Nostradamus.

For said birthday, I am going to the beach. I say I am going to use sunscreen. I have good intentions, but bad execution and so, I probably won't. Then I will spend a week bitching about a completely preventable sunburn. However, if anyone else bitches about their sunburn, I will tell them "Suck it up, Buttercup!" I'm cool like that. A rebel of sorts, if you will.

I really want to eat some sushi. Sushi is the bomb. People are all like "Waaaaa, I don't like the texture. Waaaa." Just try it. Shut up. It's delicious!

Aren't you glad that I took the time to resurrect this Livejournal thing? AREN'T YOU?

The Mommy Interview

I took this from Facebook.com. Basically, you are supposed to interview your kids and just write down their response. This is from my 7 year old. Enjoy.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
She loves me.

2. What makes mom happy?
When you give her presents and when I give her my love.

3. What makes mom sad?
Me breaking the rules.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
She tickles me.

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I think she had very long hair with brown eyes just like me. She wore lots of dresses and she was funny and she studied in school and never forgets stuff.

6. How old is your mom?
um, 29.

7. How tall is your mom?
Taller than me but not as tall as my dad.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
play games with me.

9. What does your mom do when you're sleeping?
She checks on me and watches tv and hangs out with Daddy.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Being a really good mom forever.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Making me laugh

12. What is your mom not very good at?
running around like a pony horse (Um, okay)

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Looks after her kids.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
My brownies.

15. Why do you love mom?
cause she tries to make me grow up gooder than her....and better.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Hannah Montana

17. What do you and your mom do together?
we tell each oher jokes and play board games a lot and watch episodes of transformers a lot and we sometimes cuddle.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We're both talented and we both have the same color eyes.

19. How are you and your mom different?
I am not tall like her

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because one day she said that her favorite day was me being born and she said that for real

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
The park.

Dirty Laundry

I was watching TLC's 17 kids and Counting about a week ago, a reality show about an Arkansas couple that just had their 18th child. The mother on the show was explaining how she runs a household of 20 financially, and mentioned that she makes her own laundry detergent. That prompted me to do my own research and an experiment of such.

There is a liquid soap recipe and a powdered soap recipe. I opted for the powdered recipe because I am lazy and the liquid soap seemed like a pain in the butt to make. The recipe that I decided to use boasts 364 loads of laundry. After buying the ingredients for the soap, my final cost was around $6.00 for 364 loads of laundry compared to around $60.00 for the same amount of loads at Sam's Club for Gain detergent.

I decided that this wasn't going to amount to much savings if it didn't work as well as premade detergent, hence my experiment.

This is my story. Bong Bong.

I took two white shirts out of the closet and squirted some ketchup on them.

From drax0r pics

From drax0r pics

I then smeared in the ketchup.

From drax0r pics

From drax0r pics

I pretreated both shirts with Spray and Wash according to bottle directions. I washed the first shirt below with Gain Laundry Detergent and hot water on the whites cycle and used liquid Downy fabric softener. I washed the bottom shirt with the homemade laundry soap and hot water on the whites cycle and used liquid Downy fabric softner.

From drax0r pics

From drax0r pics

Both detergents worked equally well, in my opinion. With the stain pre-treatment, they both got out the stain. Both are clean. The homemade detergent seemed to make it's shirt softer than it's name brand counterpart. The only difference is that Gain costs $17.88 per 110 loads and the homemade detergent costs around $6.00 per 364 loads. Broken down, the homemade detergent is about .02 cents per load.

For anyone that is remotely interested in giving this a try, I have included the "recipe."

1 box Borax - size: 4lbs 12oz (76oz) (I found at Walmart, Brookshire's and Kroger's)

1 box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (NOT BAKING SODA) - size: 3lbs 7oz (55oz)(I only found this at Kroger's)

and 1 bar of Zote soap grated (I found this at Brookshire's) - I used an old food processor for this step to take the work out of it. You can certainly use other bar soaps such as Ivory, Dial, or whatever you have on hand. Just make sure you actually use soap and not a beauty bar such as Dove or Oil of Olay.

Mix together and use 1-2 tbsp per load. If laundry is really dirty, add 1/4 cup of baking soda to the wash.

Just an FYI, go cheap on the soap. Your clothes will not smell like the soap you put it. If you want your clothes to have a sent, pick your favorite liquid fabric softener.

Anywho, that's all I've got. Now, to scour the sale ads and match up coupons. Sheesh I am cheap.

(no subject)

Hello internet!

It's been a while so I decided to post. Don't get all used to it now. It's probably just a fleeting desire I felt compelled to fill and these types of desire are few and far between.

Let's see. I had an awesome Christmas and New Year. Got to spend quality time with my old man and the rugrats. That is always good.

Ehowton and Cattitude loaned me the Twilight series to read, at least 3 of the 4 installments. I finished the first book last night and I have to say that I actually liked it. I didn't think I was going to like it because its target audience is teen aged girls but I found myself enjoying it. The only real beef I have with the author is the constant reminding of how beautiful the vampire is. That was a bit annoying. I did find it amusing that instead of vampires burning into ashes when exposed to sunlight, in Twlight's world, the vampires just sparkle. That cracked me up. It reminded me of an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force when they were talking about censorship. Instead of having anything that may be offensive, they just replaced it with a rainbow. All in all I was happy with the book and am looking forward to reading the rest. I hope that the story shifts and spends more time with the vampire family, though.

I also received a few books for Christmas. My mother in law got me the Dexter books by Jeff Lindsay and my husband bought me 3 of the 8 Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris that HBO's True Blood is based off of.

I have forgotten how much I enjoy reading. Now I am hooked again.

I am also looking forward to the season premiers of Battlestar Galactica, Big Love, and Lost. Woot!

Anyways, I have a big day of cleaning the house today and doing a mound of laundry. I might go sell some books at Half Price Books. Who knows?

Until next time, dear internet. Until next time.

Ok....so I lied.

Hello Internet,

Finding a job is proving harder than I thought. Previously in my employment searching endevours, I found a job within a month. I have sent out at least a hundred resumes and have been on maybe four interviews. I thought hands down that I had a job only to be beat out by someone with a college degree who would work for 12.00 bucks an hour. Times are hard, I guess.

So I have decided to scrap that until the economy improves and just go to school. I am going to register for some classes on the 19th and get this going because, let's face it, I'm not getting any younger here. I plan to be a nurse. In what field, I don't know. Maybe ICU. Maybe a psych nurse. Who knows? So if any of you have children that you would like me to watch in the summer or now or whenever, let me know. I will be around and happy to have the extra money.

Almost done with my xmas shopping. Just have a couple of more things to get and then I am finished. Yea me!

I really need to have my carpets cleaned or go and rent a RugDoctor or something. When the carpets are dirty it makes the whole house look dirtier than it already is.

That's all I really have to say right now, Internet. Until next time.

(no subject)

Hello, Internet. It's been a while since I've written anything of substance...and it will be a while yet. But I thought I would write to you anyway just for laughs.

I have decided to get a job, Internet. Why? A few reasons. I want to talk to people that aren't under the age of six. I want to financially contribute to the household. We want to actually own our own home someday and not rent and in order to do that we have to pay a couple of things off of our credit and save that down payment. So I am getting a job. In order for a job to work though, it would have to pay enough to warrant the outlandish prices of gas and childcare. So I am being picky because I can afford to be. It's not like I have to get a job. I want to get a job. So might as well get one I like and pays reasonably. I have a couple of "irons in the fire" so to speak and plan to be a productive member of society by the end of the year.

Speaking of irons in the fire, that's a stupid saying. Who actually says that? I mean, besides me above?

What else, what else?

I am going to have to buy a new vacuum cleaner. Mine spits more out than it sucks in (Yes, that is what she said.) My carpet looks like I live in a crackhouse....or maybe with just a toddler, school aged child and a overgrown kid. Perhaps I will get one on Saturday.

My mother got the lap band surgery and didn't feel the need to tell me or my sister. We found out after the fact. She is a weird woman.

We have been watching past seasons of The Wire (HBO) and I have realized that I am just not hip anymore and/or down with the slang. There was a character that kept saying that he spent 8 months "courtside" and I thought that had to be the longest basketball season ever. I mean, I'm not a sports fan or anything but it seemed excessive. And then I realized that he was talking about being in jail. I felt dumb. I don't feel any better telling you that story either, Internet.

Anywho, everything here is dandy. I have the best son, daughter and old man ever. You are jealous but you will get over it soon enough.

Until we meet again, dear Internet. Until we meet again.

Things that made me giggle in the past two weeks

Ewwww. Jessica, this peanut butter has peanuts in it. --Six year old girl

Why are you always mean to me? Why can't you just respect me for who I am?--Six year old boy to eight year old boy after two days of fighting

While watching a show on HGTV that randomly speeds decorating procedures up and/edits:
Six year old girl: Jessica, is this real?
Me: Yes.
Six year old girl: Then how can they go so fast?

After hearing that I received a ticket the other day, the kids freaked out and thought I was going to jail. I told them that the only way I would go to jail is if I didn't pay the ticket. While I was fixing their lunch today, this conversation took place:

Eight year old boy: (said something violent that I can't remember)
Six year old boy: If you did that, you would kill me and then you would go to jail.
Eight year old boy: No, I would just pay the ticket.

At the pool today, the eight year old boy was asking questions about how someone can drown. I explained that if water gets in the lungs then that's how someone drowns. He said, "I don't get it. Why wouldn't they just hold their breath?"

Future Chef?

I just took a test that is advertised on the right to "see if I have what it takes to be a top chef" and to see if I qualify to attend Le Cordon Bleu's culinary school.

I answered every question purposefully wrong.

Apparently, I qualify and "know my way around the kitchen" and "have good instincts with food".


On another note, do you like how I don't post for almost a year and this is all I can come up with?

Happy Tuesday!